goodbye

I never thought that I would ever feel like this again. Is it me? Am I that fucked up that no one can stand to stay with me? I feel like I have been growing and learning and yet, he's leaving. I'm very sad and disappointed that I wasn't worth working on it. I think he knows that it's partly him and he has no idea how to work on it, and he's too embarrassed to ask. Plus he knows it's work and he just wants easy. I feel like a failure to my kids, even though they are grown, and I feel silly for wanting to show them that it could be done. I am not a failure. I am a real person and deserve to feel loved and wanted. However, this is my fault in that I think I knew before we were married and I wanted to believe him. I ignored the things that were warning me and closed my eyes to the things I didn't want to see. I have learned a lot and have no regrets. I am a more loving person for having known and loved him. Still it will be hard to move on. To accept that it's over and that he really doesn't want this. I love you, B. elly

sad, super sad

When my husband left for work today, he told me that he would respond to a letter I wrote him several weeks ago, asking him to treat me lovingly. Then he said, "Whatever it is you want, I can't fix it." It's very hard to think that he would rather leave than try to love me as I feel I love him. I have been trying to think positively, as he has been nicer to me since the blow up that initiated the letter. I will not give up until he gives me more details or confirms his decision, but I am very sad that he doesn't care how I feel and isn't willing to change it. This was not my intention for this blog, but I needed to talk and don't want to tell others yet. elly

# 24

My husband keeps telling me how simple guys are. While it doesn't seem that way to me at times, I know that his heart is plain and simple, filled with simple things and lots of love.

# 23

One thing that I have always appreciated about my husband is how positively he responds when people ask him how he is. He is "absolutely marvelous", or "just terrific", or something equally upbeat. He really means it too. When he's by himself he sometimes forgets, but often he heads out feeling good.

# 22

I love when my husband really takes the time to hug me properly, cause when he does, oh man! He is strong and solid. He squeezes me tight and makes me feel like he will never let me go and it makes me warm all over. Thanks lover!

miss you

I am more and more aware that I miss my husband when he travels for work. I feel cut off from him, don't want to worry him about things when he's driving, and don't want to wake him when he's sleeping. His sleep is so precious and he often finds it hard to sleep during the day. It makes such a difference to his health when he gets enough sleep/rest. Of course, whenever he gets delayed at the border, it totally throws a screw into that! Sending you my love...

# 20

I love to watch my husband in the pool. He has been spending more time there lately and he does very well. Really, I also just love playing in the water with him. Sometimes just the two of us and sometimes with a whole gaggle of grandkids!

family

Family can be frustrating. Family can be rewarding and fun. Family can be needy. Family can be so helpful. Family can totally disrespect your personal boundaries. Family can be there for you in ways you cannot imagine or deserve. Family is very important to my husband and it is one of the things we share passionately. Thanks for being my family!

#18

My husband has a lousy sense of humour, but sometimes it's so bad, it's funny! He can't usually tell jokes, but when he gets one right, he gets it really right. I love to hear him laugh and tell his jokes, even when he messes them up!

missing him

I am feeling lousy today, but B is doing a Cleveland run after Atlante, so he won't be home until tomorrow. I didn't tell him I'm feeling lousy, as there is nothing he can do anyway. I hate to take the chance that I will wake him if he was sleeping too, as he never gets enough sleep at work. That hasn't stopped me from missing him though... "Shoot for the moon - if you miss you'll end up in the stars." Artie Shaw

# 16

I love how much B knows about vehicular safety and what a priority he makes it for both of us. The tires never stay on longer than they should, wipers get changed and services are done, even if I ignore it. He really shows his love that way and I appreciate it. I sometimes forget what a statement it really makes! "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Mignon McLaughlin

# 15

I think about my husband when he is away from home. I remember just how much he has overcome in his life, and hope that we will grow old(er) together. Safe travels, my love.

appreciation

I love and appreciate how much he cares about others, especially kids. He didn't have much growing up and always wants to make things better for kids who do without, especially locally

lucky # 13

My husband has the greatest tolerance for talking. Now sometimes that can get a little tedious when he is discussing motorcycles or trucks, but mostly I appreciate that he will talk about anything. He has learned to take his time and be sure of what he wants to say, but he will always say how he feels. It is a gift that I don't always remember to appreciate, but I'm gonna work on that! Love you!

very nice thing

My husband has a very nice butt...fleshy without being fat, firm to the touch and enough to grab onto...need I say more?

# 11, one of my favourites

No matter how quietly or loudly I hear it, when my husband whistles, I know he is relaxed and happy. He is a musician in every sense of the word, but my absolute favourite music that he ever makes is whistling. It also reminds me a little of my dad and I enjoy that about it too.

I like...

I like and appreciate that when my husband drives down the road, he thinks about things that I have said to him. Even if he still doesn't agree with me, he thinks about what I said and I really appreciate that.