goodbye

I never thought that I would ever feel like this again. Is it me? Am I that fucked up that no one can stand to stay with me? I feel like I have been growing and learning and yet, he's leaving. I'm very sad and disappointed that I wasn't worth working on it. I think he knows that it's partly him and he has no idea how to work on it, and he's too embarrassed to ask. Plus he knows it's work and he just wants easy. I feel like a failure to my kids, even though they are grown, and I feel silly for wanting to show them that it could be done. I am not a failure. I am a real person and deserve to feel loved and wanted. However, this is my fault in that I think I knew before we were married and I wanted to believe him. I ignored the things that were warning me and closed my eyes to the things I didn't want to see. I have learned a lot and have no regrets. I am a more loving person for having known and loved him. Still it will be hard to move on. To accept that it's over and that he really doesn't want this. I love you, B. elly